Update

Sorry guys something is wrong with my blogger so ill update when I fix the post I just did!

Thanks for understanding

Crush*ed* IT

Haven't  anything in a while so sorry as usually. Haha

So the topic to today is about crushes (hence the corny title). The old saying, "the reason why they are called a crush is b/c they crush your heart." I personally feel like this is very true due to the fact that I have had many many crushes and all but one crushed my heart into a million pieces.  Hear me out when I tell this story as to why I now feel like having crushes is actually fun/funny. Having a crush should be a rollercoaster ride of emotions but being crushed shouldn't be one of them. This is how the story begins....

Once upon a time,  in a land far far away....(JK).

When you are in middle school you start to kind of develop your first crush. I remember it like it was yesterday because it felt like I just couldn't talk. I couldn't find any words. Every time I said something it came out as if it was speaking gibberish. It always bothered me because I really wanted to tell this guy that I liked him. I wanted to be brave but just could never do it. As the years went by I would see him. I would still think about it. I would wonder is this the guy for me or is this crush just not staying where it needs to stay, in the past? At the end of the day it would just feel like my heart was always breaking because I wanted that idea of the perfect relationship so bad. I didn't even realize that it really wasn't a crush anymore it was just down right infatuation. It would literally just crush my soul because I wanted that idea so so bad.

Fast forward to college years and I have gotten better about expressing those feelings and doing what the teenagers now in days say, "Shot my shoot." I have gotten a lot better about the disappoint in having a crush but here is the catcher to this lovely story. Don't go to deep into having a crush, just have some fun with it. Crushes are meant for you to just have a good time and explore what you think you want your "Prince Charming" to be. That guy that I had the crush on in middle school, haha he came back into my life recently. I was so excited because finally I was able to talk to my crush and I felt like that fairytale princess. Guess what? That fairytale didn't last as long as I  thought it was going to. Remember life isn't a fairytale. Come to find out this prince wasn't a prince more like a toad. I found out he was nothing like I thought he was going to be. I found out that I really didn't even like this guy at all. All those years my infatuation got the best of my emotions and he wasn't even worth my time in the first place. He wasn't worth being crushed over. I got crushed when I really didn't need to be crushed. I look at it now and I laugh so much. I didn't let this new experience with my old crush break my heart because it isn't worth the heartbreak. This experience taught me so much about not only myself but about life. Not to give too much away about my present day life but I have a little crush again someone new and someone bright. But, something tells me he isn't Mr. Right Guy but something also tells me it's going to be fun finding out. Don't get Crush*ed*, CRUSH IT!

*Disclamer* I am not saying that you should do crazy out of control things. I am saying realize you only have one life. Live it to the fullest. Make decision that are for your best interest at the end of the day. Don't get Crushed*ED*, CRUSH IT!!

Have a fantastic weekend!

XoXo 

Kidd

13 Questions With Me

Hey guys,

So I haven't posted in awhile because of school and moving back home. I just wanted to give you a quick insight into my life. I decided to get a friend to ask me 13 questions about me. So here we go! Hope you enjoy, :)


My name is Kayla and I am one of Syd's friends. We met at church camp in high school and have been pretty close ever since. So lets get started!!

Question 1: What is your favorite color?
Answer 1: Anyone who knows me knows that my favorite color is purple but I also have been enjoying the "Tiffany Blue." I would say purple and "Tiffany Blue."

Question 2: Best and Worst Habit?
Answer 2: My best habit would be I always strive for greatness in what ever I do. I want to make sure I do my best and if I fail I always get right back up. My worst habit is I put way to much trust into the wrong people and to little trust in the right people who have my back.

Question 3: What is your favorite TV show?
Answer 3: This is super hard because I love TV lol but hands down my favorite TV show is "Gilmore Girls." I could watch that show and only that show for the rest of my life and I wouldn't get tired of it.

Question 4: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Answer 4: Hopefully I will be done with college and into my job as an exercise specialist with a sports team. I really hope to be in a serious relationship that is basically the fairytale that I have  always wanted. I just really want to be established as to who I am.

Question 5: How do you find genuine friends?
Answer 5: gosh, This is actually really hard for me because usually if I get a friend it doesn't last long at all. I think I just look for honesty. I look for someone who is genuinely looking out for my best interest. I do a very bad job of picking that type of friend but I look for it really really hard.

Question 6: Funniest moment?
Answer 6: omg, so a week ago I went on a trip and I was in my Nike slides. I stop to go stretch. I get back into the car and I drop one slide outside of the car. I tell my mom "I dropped my shoe outside the car, wait I need to get it." For some odd reason I must have gotten distracted and forgot to pick up my shoe. Now I only have 1 shoe.

Question 7: what Celebrity do you relate to the most?
Answer 7: I relate to Selena Gomez. Selena is basically my spirit animal. She has been through the struggle and she still gets back up swinging.

Question 8: How old are you? lol
Answer 8: I am 20 years old and turn 21 in October.

Question 9: Favorite food?
Answer 9: I can't eat it all the time because I am obsessed with it but it would have to be 3 meat pizza. Like I can not stay away when it is in my presence.

Question 10: Who is your celebrity crush?
Answer 9: Justin Bieber or Kyrie Irving

Question 11: Are you dating anyone?
Answer 11: Yessss....sorry that's a lie no. Right now I am just trying to concentrate on myself and loving myself. I just feel like to have a boyfriend you have to know who you are first (at least a little bit). So I am just trying to take the time out to be one with myself and just focus on friends and family.

Question 12: Will you ever get a YouTube channel?
Answer 12: You know I have been thinking about but I don't know we'll see.

Last question

Question 13: Who do you think will win Game 5 of the NBA Finals?
Answer 13: Kayla you already know what I'm going to say. I'm a huge OKC fan so I have no time for the Warriors so I have Cavs winning game 5. I feel like the Cavs still could lose so I am not getting my hopes up.

Thank you guys for reading and sticking by my blog site. I truly appreciate it.
Love ya,
              Brie
 

The Conqueror

I don't know how many people actually read this blog. I don't really know if any of you actually care. If  you are reading this then please know that it will all be okay. Sometimes we go through things that are so heartbreaking that we do not think we have it in use to go on. Just know that you can.... you can go on. Everyone is their own little warrior in their own way. Know that we all make mistakes and that it is the only way you will grow and come full circle. I was always told that I was a warrior but I don't think that description fits me anymore. I think it's time to take on a new form, so to speak. I think it's time to be called the Conqueror. That's not only for me but goes for anyone out there who is hurting. The definition of a Conqueror is a person who conquers and vanquishes. This basically means that they will finish the job. I can say I have been through tremendous amount of hurt by so many people that I have love. For me, I have always got up fought like a warrior but I never finish the job. I never truly loved myself in the end. I always blame myself for everything that has happen to me and that isn't how it should be. I shouldn't keep putting myself down for everything. I shouldn't hate myself for things I can't control or for the mistakes I have made. I can only control my happiness and I can only control my feelings. Sometimes it is so hard to let go. Trust me I have been so lost for so long with that exact thing. STOP! From this moment forward do not do that! Instead forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes, and forgive those who have hurt you. I know right now that it all seems so hard. I know because I am struggling with it myself. I also know that you will love that you did it in the long run. One verse comes to mind that has been in my brain for the past 24 hours.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

I've always said, why do these things keep happening to me, I don't understand. I'm finding out it isn't up to me to figure that out. I just need to open my heart and listen. The answer will come soon enough. I know the Lord is opening up so many doors for the future I just need to keep trusting him. I think the first step to that is to be happy. The second step is to hear him. The third step is to conquer. Find something that puts a genuine smile on your face. Lift your spirits and continue to do great things. It seems so hard now but later I think we'll look back and see the growth. Look back and see how far we've come. My challenge for you and I is to be the conqueror and just be happy.

Challenge for this week:

How can you change one thought today in order to make yourself just a little more happy?

Until next time!

Love Brie

FaiTH HoPe LoVe

Life isn't pretty sometimes. It has its ups and it's downs, so let's face it, life is basically an emotional roller coaster. Trust me! I know it and I'm living it. My problems aren't as bad as some people. Just know if something is hurting you, you have the right to feel that pain. I am here to tell you to have faith, you can do this. Here is my story about Faith, Hope, and Love:

I love with all my heart because love is something that means the world to me.  I always felt like love was the answer to any problem. I've learn that some people don't see it that way. Love doesn't mean a whole lot to them like it does to me. I hurt because I feel like I'm losing that sense of the word. People are just so mean that they take love and turn it into something
that is meaningless. I say that, "these people are my close friends" but are they really? I have one that's taking my name and slanders it 85% of the time. I have so many other "friends" who sit there and believe it. You don't know me. You don't know my story. You don't know what I've been through. You have heard what I have done but can't even take the time to get to know me to see if it's true. That is why I am losing hope on love because Love is like glass. Love can be so beautiful but can shatter so easy. That is what is happening to me every night. My life feels like it is just shattering. I can't pick up the glass because I keep stepping on pieces. Love is just so easily broken and hard to pick up. I watch a show called Pretty Little Liars and one of the main character talked about hope and fighting the good fight. What stuck with me was this quote, "If you're hurt than it's not okay to give up but if you're injured than it's okay to to give up." I finally realized I may be scared and I may be hurt but I'm not injured. I can't just sit here and let these people do this to me.  It's time to get up and take back what is mine. Love. I have hope that this will get better. I have hope that I'm not alone and I have hope for the future. So yes I'm losing the meaning to love but gaining the meaning of hope. Gods got bigger plans for me I can feel it. He sees that I am hurting and I know it. He is walking with me day by day because he is king. Never give up, never give in. You are worth it. You are special. Have Hope!

Bri

Overcoming Outgoing??

When I came to college I had a lot of goals. One of them was to acquire unbreakable friendships. That goal was very much still a work in progress. My other goal, that kind of coexist, was acquiring unbreakble friendship. How do I Overcome the outgoing? Since I've gotten sick none of that matters to me anymore, being someone I am not. before it was so important to me to be just like the rest but that's the problem I am not like the rest. Why do I have to be the most popular? Why do I have to be the center of attention? Why do I have to have a boyfriend or that "unbreakable" friendship for that matter? After being in the hospital I learned who my real friends are and for some reason only one name can come to mind. All those things have no value to me anymore. What is important to me now  is to concentrate on me and my health. For solong I cared about other people.  I would even tell myself not to but I always did for some reason. For me, not anymore, that life is so over.  I hope that people learn from my experience. Please! Do not change yourself for anyone. Be you, stay true. Don't change yourself for anyone other than yourself. Do not try to reach their expectations but reach your own.

MY LIFE  UPDATE:

I start school on Tuesday and I'm a little nervous about that. I'm still in pain and get tired very easily so I have to take breaks during the day. Sleeping is hard but getting better and the swelling from the cellulitis is going down everyday. Being in the hospital with my blood clot was very difficult and without my family I don't know how I could have done it. Now I'm learning how to be that supportive to myself. I pray everyday for healing and the confidence to forgive myself for what happen to me. Also I want to be able to forgive those who didn't give a damn about me when I was in the hospital. Those people who called themselves my friends. Everyday has its challenges and difficulties. I am so blessed to be alive and to continue. So, never give up and love yourself through it all. Whatever you are going through you will get through it. Hey, maybe we can even do it together!

Xoxo 💋
Bri

I Dont Know What This Love Is

Seriously, why do I like you? You have been nothing but rude to me. You wont acknowledge my precise anymore. Why do I like you? Is it because you were one of my first friends in college? Is it because you had confidence in me and you believed in me when other people didn't? Is it because I saw you as not only my guy friend but as someone who I could potential see a future with? I don't know?? Maybe....I'm crazy!?! Maybe I just tolerated the first person that gave me attention? I'll be honest I didn't like you at first, hate to burst your bubble.

Maybe I actually started to believe that there was more to life than the hometown boy. I saw you more than just the stereotype "Fuck Boy." I saw you as a man not a boy. I saw you as someone I could look up to and someone I could trust. I saw the potential in you that I don't think a lot of people saw. But now I just see an asshole so why am I still enchanted to see you? Why am I hoping and praying that you are not in love with someone else? Why does my heart, my heart, stop when I see you? I just can not say HI!?! Infatuation? Maybe. Lust? I can see that. Maybe I wanted someone I couldn't have and you were just an easy escape? I can say this, I fell in love with you quicker than I've fallen in love with anybody else. I think that's the scariest part. How do I let this go? How do I move on? I don't know. I only know that I can't get you out of my head but the funny thing about that is....I don't want to.